Relationships’ blog

you guys really need to start talking frankly about this. Tell
her that this is a PROBLEM for you and your marriage. Don't let her
poo poo this away. Ask her if she would rather you start seeking
satisfation outside of the marriage or separate. Make her see this
is very serious...because it is. I can understand that she might not
feel the sexiest or exactly hot for sex all of the time...but she had
better start seeing that she needs to make an effort. Jeff...you are
a prime candidate for an affair. All you need is someone to come
along who thinks you are the coolest thing since ice cream...and
wham, you are a goner. Your wife had better realize that before it's
too late.

Personally, I feel the more my dh and I "do it", the more I want
to "do it." If we have a gap of time where we haven't connected,
then it is easy for me to start to forget about sex at all. I think
women are way more like this than guys. Sex has effects on all areas
of your relationship. Since I have been initiating sex more, my
husband is talking to me more and wanting to hang with me more too.
I can't see how they couldn't be connected. Just that little bit of
effort has made our relationship stronger in many ways.

went01mn... i agree... my husband is friends with a girl that he has had since they were in diapers basically.. she knows about everything that he has been through his whole life and she was the one as a friend that was there to pick up the pieces for him til i came along. my husband knows that even tho i like this girl, i have a hard time with him going out just with her. and i have heard that he had gone to her house a couple times while we have been together and my first reaction was to feel sick. now i am the one that calls her to talk to him when he is unreasonable so i feel that i am partly to blame for this feeling. but i am 100% positive that NOTHING has ever happened between them! well since we have been together anyhow.... but yes i dont think that a man should take on a best female friend when he is already committed to another woman.. think about it... when you marry.. dont you marry your best friend, your confidant, and your lover? so i feel that i should be the one that he turns to when he is hurt or the one that he confides in when he does something wrong... we have a VERY open relationship.... i tell him all and he tells me all (well at least i hope)... but i really dont think that it is healthy for someone to take on a relationship (friendship sorry) with a member of the opposite sex unless they are looking for an arguement or unless the 2 of you have an agreement before hand!

I think I'm still scalded from a ten-year marriage in which my ex's sex life was most emphatically none of my business :( Based on this and the entire rest of my 41-year life experience, and no matter how much my brain tells me otherwise!, my CELLS continue to insist that 1) NO man is "naturally" mongamous. 2) Men may BEHAVE monogamously for brief bursts, but NO man will CHOOSE monogamy one nanosecond longer than his options permit. 3) Buy into your man's promiscuity, by not only "allowing" it (parenthetically, I have never understood how one could even be in a logistical position to "allow" or "not-allow" one's adult partner ANYTHING -- I mean, what do these people DO, lock their Partner in the house like an unruly child??) but by actually ENABLING it(!), and you MAY just keep him. MAY. 4) Express dissatisfaction with your man's promiscuity, on the other hand, and he's gone as quick as he can pack. Guaranteed.

Therefore I in no way equate engagement -- or even marriage -- to TWO-WAY exclusivity. I'M monogamous. I would prolly fall right down and die of happiness on the spot if I ever found a monogamous Partner, and I don't rule it out. I have, after all, known a few (fingers of one hand kinda few) truly monogamous men in my lifetime. But I don't "expect" this, not for a minute. That would just be unrealistic, and the real world is the only one we get issued at the door, yaKNOW?

It's a lousy, cobbled-together acronym in an attempt to be broadly inclusive. I use it only because it really has become the "Politically Correct" term, at least for the past decade or so. (Sanitation Engineer. African-American. BDSM. Bah, humbug :P) It's a composite of the traditional B&D (bondage & discipline), D/s (Domination/submission) and S&M or S/m (sadomasochism). More generally -- though this can and will be disputed (Jez?) ;) -- bdsm in its current usage is now generally considered to cover the fetishes as well (e.g. foot fetishism, the various garment fetishes, infantilism, water sports, etc.)

You said you started your session by his "coming" between your breasts.
For many men, that would be it for a while.

The person I am seeing is exactly in the same situation your friend is.
It seems to take him a very long time to climax. Sometimes he never
does. For a long time, this bothered the hell outta me, no matter how
many times he assured me that IT DID NOT MATTER TO HIM WHETHER OR NOT HE
CLIMAXED.

I on the other hand, felt my technique was wrong, I was being selfish,
something was the matter with us. None of this is true.

It took him a long time to teach me that the real joy in sex is the
journey and not necessarily the climax.

The funny part is, the older I get, the easier it is for me. So, our
lovemaking usually means I get 8 to 10 climaxes and maybe he gets one.
Maybe. It's never been a problem with him in the least.

And by the way, if I had to put my money on it, I'd say it's the tension
of the very first lovemaking that got to him. Things should improve.

Well, first of
all it depends on whether he is willing to try to
please you. If he's just thoughtless and truly
doesn't know he stinks and makes messes, maybe just
some casual reminders would work. "Honey, hurry and
take a bath so we can go to bed. I have a surprise for
you, but I need you to be clean as a whistle first."
or "Sweetie, why don't you clean up your <whatever> in
the living room while I finish dinner?" or instead of
thanking him for taking a bath and hating the
sarcastic tone in your voice, why not show him how
much fun it can be to be clean (and naked) together?
I know that my husband would take ten baths a day if
he could get sex after each one. Not that you should
have to buy his personal cleanliness with sex, but it
couldn't hurt to give him some incentive, right? Plus
the physical intimacy might bring back some of the
spark to your relationship?

Of course if he doesn't care about pleasing you, then
asking politely won't matter.

It really sounds to me like you don't feel much love
for this man. It seems like you feel that you fell
into this marriage by mistake and now you are totally
unhappy with him. In that case, I don't think that he
will be able to make a difference. I think your mind
is already made up.

I'm kind of in a similar situation. Except I met my bf through work and he's going through a divorce, in fact they're having child custody hearing today. He and his wife have a son...he knows though that he'd NEVER go back to her. Online relationships are hard especially if you've never met and he's already talking about starting a life together. That right there would make me nervous. You may get along just fine over the phone, but in person it may just not click. I talked to a guy on the internet once who was like that. I live in Texas and he lives in Scotland and he was already talking about marriage. I felt so uncomfortable about that. I just had to tell him we needed to stop this. I get an occasional email from him from time to time. Any guy who talks about wanting to be with you forever before you meet him...red flag!!! He is probably going through a rough time and found you and thought here's someone who'll listen to me and let me get my feelings out. He could be using you. I'm leary about online relationships anyway. If he's already married and took your advice of wanting to work things out with her, I say let them try and work it out. I can tell you from experience, dating someone going through a divorce who has kids isn't easy. I've had many nights when he's gone to where his son is for the moment (3 hours away) crying because I miss him or just the stress of it all. It's not an easy thing to do. Luckily though I know they're going to go through the divorce. Yours sounded like he wasn't too sure about it. Hope it works out though. 

I think the breast size thing is a result of media and Hollywood and all that. When you see images of extremely confident women with perfect boobs all over billboards and men always hitting on all these perfectly designed women in every movie you see your whole entire life, you start thinking that's the only way to be attractive. I think it has a huge impact on both genders. I wouldn't even be surprised if the breast implant industry had some role in enforcing those ideas. It's really hard these days to know whether we are thinking naturally or whether our thoughts come from some subliminal messages created by people who just want our money. It's sick!!

Even though there are some men who definitely do have breast fetishes (probably because of media influence as well), most men who I have talked to candidly about it don't really care how big they are, or it is at least a very low priority to them.

in the real life there are all kinds of twists and you got to follow your heart  sometimes- to learn the hard way. Your situation may be exceptional and turn out very unexpected way- you know, "the box of chocolates" ( Forest Gump)...